I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
