An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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