sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
