dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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