Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
