yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
