is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
