Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
