sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
operation have a gay friend backfired
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
