The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
