ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
