you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
