I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
