the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
