I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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