I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
