We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
