I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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