i may or may not be watching the land before time
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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