is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
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do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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