New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
