fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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