which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
