I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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