By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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