Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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