two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
