mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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