At least make sure they are 18
Why
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
