So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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