So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
