Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
