wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
