Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
