How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
