fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
