I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
