Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
