i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
