I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
