The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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