I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
