Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
