i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
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Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
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Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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