you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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