quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
