My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
