Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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