Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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