All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
