So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
