i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize