i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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