i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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