So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
