I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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