Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Still dying that you shit outside
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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