i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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