Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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