so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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