i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
