Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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