margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
