I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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