I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
