You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
