either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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