It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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