i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
