So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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