Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Congratulations! We have a period
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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