"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's blow job season.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
