My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
