Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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