So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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