im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
