if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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