i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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